When did we all get so afraid? It’s a question I recently pondered when jumping off a bridge into a flowing river. I was with dear friends boating on a reservoir that turns into the American River upstream for whitewater rafting in Northern California.
As we drove the boat under the bridge a week prior, my friend Jon said that many people jump off the bridge into the water and one day we should try it. This particular day we were back on the boat in the same place under the same bridge. I challenged him to jump off the bridge with me.
Every excuse entered our consciousness. First, the water was too cold, it was too late in the day and we should wait. For some reason, that just didn’t sit well with me. So, after about 30 minutes of back and forth and why we should or shouldn’t do it, I decided now or never. After all, we said we would. I wanted to jump off that bridge, at that moment, at that time, so I jumped in the water and headed to shore to climb up the hillside to get to the bridge. As soon as I hit the water, my friend joined me.
We made our way through sticker bushes, rocks and broken glass to the bridge. I remember the feeling of excitement, anticipation and fear all bubbling up inside me. For, I have never jumped off a bridge before, nor had I jumped off something so high from the water before. A classic rock jumper in Lake Tahoe, I have had the gumption to try difficult things, but this was a first.
After my friend climbed on the railing and jumped, it was my turn. As I stood on the railing, holding part of the bridge for balance, I had a moment of fear and trepidation almost take me over. “What are you doing up here Theresa?” was running through my mind. Just then, Jon said to me, “don’t think, just jump!” So, I did.
It was so fun! After we made our way back to the boat, filled with exhilaration, I had a realization. Since when did we all get so scared? Now, I don’t just mean fear of trying something physically adventurous. I’m talking about the fear that keeps us from living our best lives. This fear traverses over every area of our lives. From making those important sales calls, to having difficult conversations that must be had, to living a soul purpose and calling, to ending a relationship, to mending some fences, to moving where your heart longs to be. So many things we don’t experience because of this deep well of fear.
I remember the moment I stepped off the long boat on the Amazon river and onto the property of Flower of Life Peru. I had no idea what was in store for me. First, I had no desire to visit the Amazon jungle because of the obvious: jungle critters. I also had no preparation or knowledge about the Amazon Plant Medicine, particularly, Ayahuasca, that I was there to receive. Shamanism was not something I had experienced prior to this first trip in 2017. Actually, I made the journey with only a 36-hour notice, without even reading about what an Ayahuasca experience would be like. I was a newborn baby in the area of Shamanic healing and plant medicines.
In the course of my life, facing many autoimmune disorders and becoming extremely sick, I turned over many stones in my quest for healing. From allopathic (modern) treatments to Ayurveda, to Chinese Medicine, to Holistic and Homeopathic treatments and more. I believe sitting here today that all have pushed me on the path to healing and am alive today because of this quest. However, nothing compares to the depths of healing I would receive here at Flower of Life Peru with the Shamans, many plant medicines, including Ayahuasca, which would change the trajectory of my life forever.
The layers of awareness that I would ultimately open up to caused the big questions to be pondered in my mind and heart. Questions like, “when did we get so afraid to try new things?” I’ve written about this subject before and I’m writing about it again. One of the major benefits I’ve received from facing my wounds with Ayahuasca is the courage that has emerged through me. I’ve always been an adventurer and enjoyed physically challenging activities like rock climbing and such, but the big adventure of my life has been healing. To face the things that have wounded us, and to get to a place of neutrality and eventually, reaching unconditional forgiveness and unconditional love for those experiences, is the creme de la creme of life in my humble opinion.
Digging deep and facing ourselves with a true level of honesty, authenticity and vulnerability has to be one of the most important things we can do for our own evolution into healing and awakening, yet is often something we don’t dare face.
I’ve learned and witnessed so many that are afraid to come to the jungle. Afraid of the critters, the discomfort of the warmth and humidity, the fear of Shamanism, fear of Ayahuasca, fear of purging, fear of the unknown. The mind wants to protect us from that which we fear and gives us all the reasons why we shouldn’t do something. Nowhere is this more present than when we deep dive into our own being and face the wounds that we’ve experienced along the way in this life. Why do we fear the unknown so much?
Before I jumped into the lake, I said, “when did we get so afraid to try things?” There’s always a reason why not to do something, especially if fear is triggered. But, as I learned recently, my new found phrase is “Why Not?”
What I have learned through the Ayahuasca healing journey is how to be comfortable in the uncomfortable. I have faced so many fears physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually during my ceremonies with Ayahuasca over the years. What has emerged is a fearlessness where trepidation once took place inside me. I’m not saying I don’t have fear. What I am saying is that I have built a muscle of facing fear head on in many areas of my life. I can have those difficult conversations, I can try new things, I can make those calls, I can plan those events, I can choose to live my life in a way that makes me truly happy. Now, let me be clear, I have not arrived. I’m a long way from that, but I can tell you, by going down the self-discovery and self-healing path, I have opened my life up to live my deepest dreams that I have held within me since childhood. Without facing so much with Ayahuasca, there’s no way I’d be brave enough to do half the things I’m currently doing.
The medicine path is not for everyone. The medicine path is not for the faint of heart. The medicine path calls you to it. Healing oneself is the journey we all must face if we are to live our best lives. Our ingrained belief systems, patterns and generational learnings all must be unraveled so we can become what we are meant to be. I’ve witnessed this in my own life and the lives of those I’ve had the pleasure and privilege of holding space for during those moments in the jungle.
I think of the acorn under the topsoil germinating in the dark. The loneliness and struggle for the light is real. Stretching, expanding in faith that the blade will reach the light is where the real work resides. Trusting the sun will shine on its infancy is the acorn’s natural instincts, for the acorn doesn’t grow downward into more darkness, but into the light where it is fed and nurtured to become the sturdy oak tree. Ayahuasca is just like this.. Facing the discomfort, to stretch into the light is at the core of the experience.
Join me for a retreat at Flower of Life Peru! If the medicine is calling you, reach for the light and reach out to me for more information! Theresa Vigarino whatsapp: +1-775-450-5789 or email me at [email protected]
Your healing awaits!
If you feel this called join us for an transformational plant medicine retreat program at Flower of Life Healing center in Peru .
More details and information
WhatsApp +1 (786) 393-0799
www.floweroflifeperu.com